The least among the lowly

I don't know what the I am is this week... but I wanted to share with you what the Lord taught me about who I am yesterday:

Brennan Manning writes, "The acceptance of oneself is the essence of the whole moral problem and the epitome of a whole outlook on life.That I feed the hungry, that I forgive an insult, that I love my enemy in the name of Christ - all these are undoubtedly great virtues. What I do unto the least of my brethren, that I do unto Christ. But what if I should discover that the least amongst them all, the poorest of all the beggars, the most impudent of all the offenders, the very enemy himself - that these are within me, and that I myself stand in need of the alms of my own kindness - that I am the enemy who must be loved - what then?"

He goes on to say, "As a rule, the Christian's attitude is then reversed; there is no longer any question of love or long suffering; we say to the brother within us, "Raca" ["Worthless!"] and condemn and rage against ourselves. We hide it from the world; we refuse to admit ever having met this least among the lowly in ourselves."

I've read that probably 20-25 times, and I have never heard it like I did yesterday. I was so convicted by the reality of the self-hatred I fall into so easily. I would never look at another person and think, "Worthless!" and instantly hate them. And yet that is my attitude toward myself?! So backward, so wrong, so sinful.

Here was my realization: I am not the junk that I find in myself when I spend long enough in introspection. I am also not a person full of hatred towards others, nor should I be toward myself. I am, however, someone with a need for identity, truth, love, and full acceptance without a hint of rejection.

Brennan says that "Jesus discloses God's true feelings toward us. As we turn the pages of the Gospels, we discover that the people Jesus encounters there are you and me. The understanding and compassion he offers them, he also offers you and me."

And he concludes by saying that [my paraphrase] the longer I spend time in the presence of Jesus, the more accustomed I grow to his face, the less I will look elsewhere for identity and meaning because I will have discovered for myself that He is enough. And in that presence, I will delight in the discovery of what it means to live out of who I am really... who I am in Christ."

I live out of the truth of who I am really when I live in the presence of the I AM who created me, saved me, sustains me, and defines me. I am still learning who the person I am actually looks like... but I am at least learning how to have compassion for the self that I wish I wasn't, and I am trusting that's at least a step in the right direction!

Justified

Before you read anything else, I just want to say how encouraging it is to read all of these posts. I haven't posted in the last few weeks but as I catch up and read through these beautiful posts of pure truth in action, I know God is using and working through this blog to bless us and bring glory to Himself! Thank you to all who have been pouring your heart out. It's been such a joy to read! :)


I feel like my whole life, I've strived so hard to justify my actions and sins. Like Adam, I'd totally try to blame someone else for my own wrong choice. I wanted to save face! To look innocent and clean before others. I had a "deficit in identity".
My validation came from people and I was only pleased with myself when others were pleased with me.
PROBLEM!
Throughout Scripture, it says that no can stand blameless before God. How could we? He knows me better than I know myself. He's seen the unspoken thoughts and the selfish motives. He's even seen me when I thought I was alone! He's seen me like no one else.

HOLY JUSTIFICATION
COLOSSIANS 1:21-22
And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, ²²he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him

Christ has interceded on my behalf. Where I once strived to appear blameless, Jesus made me truly immaculate. When I wanted to look innocent and clean before others, Jesus freely washed me with his own blood so I could be seen as holy and blameless before the God of the Universe. All in grace, He died so that I wouldn't have to stand alone and be condemned. Before the God who has seen it all, Jesus holds me and says "Spare him and take me. I will make him My own and he will be innocent. I've seen his silent thoughts and motives. I was even there when he thought he was alone. He isn't worthy of my love but I will lavish it on him." He sees me like no one else does.
If grace begets grace and God could calls us all His beloved immaculate, innocent children by the blood of Christ, then its our turn to see ourselves and each other in that identity, even and especially, in the worst of it as Jesus did.

For the first time.

A poem was read to me today one of the lines was, "Its like being called pretty or beautiful...no its like truly realizing what those words mean for the first time." I don't know the author of the poem otherwise I would totally give im credit but at that moment I had a num-chuck straight to my face.
I don't know why god chose that moment but he did.
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-"
Grace saved us.
Because we have faith.
The faith isn't in ourselves.
It is in God.
Grace is a gift.
"Its like truly realizing what those words mean for the first time."
I don't if this made sense to you but it had rocked my world today.
Grace is a gift from the almighty creator. Its no longer just grace but its grace granted to us by the one King of Kings and creator of this awesome universe.

So I don't know if this is going to make a ton of sense, but today when I was reading in Ephesians, the idea of the gift of grace through faith reminded me of my high school pastor. Twice I have seen him give somebody a gift and tell them that they must have faith that the gift is actually there (example: faith that a gift card is actually loaded with money). One time the gift was there and the other time (giving somebody an iPod) it wasn't. The only difference is that God's grace is NEVER NOT there. We receive grace by faith in God, and as long as you believe in God you will receive it. Sure it's cool to go to church and MAYBE receive a gift from your pastor, I mean there's a kind of excitement in that, but how much cooler and exciting is it to DEFINITELY receive the most amazing gift of grace from God? I know I don't deserve it but because of my faith, I have grace from God, and what gift is better than that?

Silly Elizabeth, grace is for free!

This is my first post for the I Am statements. Sorry for the novel, I'm making up for lost time.

I think I just need to start by saying that God is so good. This whole idea of grace has really been on my heart for the past few weeks. You see, I was really confused a few days ago when the idea originally popped into my head. It has been ages since I have actively thought, "Hmm, maybe I am trying to earn grace." When I evaluate my life and still can't see it, somehow God still makes it known to me. Earning grace doesn't necessarily mean I am trying to be a better person or thinking straight up, "I need to do this better so that God will love me more." It comes from a place much deeper than that. It comes from a heart that is not willing to sacrifice. People who try to earn grace do not understand surrender. They (I) might see God exactly for who He is and still try to hold onto things and fix them. I think this especially happens in the midst of doing ministry. We get so caught up in serving the Creator that we forget our purpose for serving in the first place.

Today in class I had a random thought. We always talk about this concept of how salvation requires nothing of us. All we have to do is profess faith and boom, saved. But as I was sitting there, not paying attention to a single thing my teacher was saying, my head started spinning as I thought of how this could possibly be. What happened to James telling us that faith without works is dead? Or Jesus telling us that in order to follow Him we must pick up our cross daily? Those don't seem like free rides to me. Those seem like quite the opposite. As I was sitting there thinking all of these things, my mind suddenly calmed. Frustration at the seeming contradiction eased and I was left in a peace I have only known the Father to bring. It was then that I remembered my life is not my own. In order to recognize that grace is free, we must first realize that our lives are not ours to begin with. So when we find out that following God will cost us our lives, we can also rest in the fact that all we are really doing is relinquishing our position on a stolen throne. The art of surrender reminds us that God has everything under control. His grace is sufficient for all of us. Embrace weakness and live in submission.

(Fun fact, the title of this post was almost my status on facebook over the weekend. I couldn't figure out why God kept leading me to the idea of grace, so I didn't post it. When the idea came up again today, I still didn't understand. Today was my first time participating in even looking at the statements.)

SAVED

As I read through Ephesians 2:8 yesterday morning I wasn't really sure what part I would take with me or how God was going to use it. Since being at Biola I have had my idea of what a Christian should look like completely shattered. I keep comparing every person I meet with this idea of what I already think they should be. This has been exceedingly difficult because one of my roomates swears like a sailor and is constantly yelling profanities and on a desperate search for Biola's underground party scene. So yeah, its hard.

Aside from that random tangent, the reason this stuck out to me was the aspect of being SAVED. We are saved and in His arms simply by believing and its not by our works, but its by His GRACE. So if that means that these people I meet and are surprised to find they are Christian, its ok, because they have been saved by the same grace I have through their faith and that alone. They don't have to fit this idea or this role that I have unfairly placed on their head, they just have to believe and they fit the role Christ has prepared for them.

So anyways, I don't know if that made sense to anyone but me. But I love you all! Please if you need prayer about anything , shoot me a phone call or a text

-Haley

My Identity In Roles vs. The Eternal "I AM"

I never know quite where to start when typing a blog. I am an avid journaler, but in that case I just start and since its pen there is no taking it back or re-thinking wording... the thoughts just flow out onto the paper. On the computer however, I am given the chance to re-think and re-word and it ultimately ends up being so hacked up I never am happy with the product. So, fair warning. Apart from spelling mistakes I am going to just bang these thoughts in my head out to share. Not sure how on the "I AM" blog topic they will be, but I need to get them out somewhere and I just caught up reading and meditating on the last four weeks I AMs.

I think as a whole I am being severely nun-chucked in the face (not sure where that phrase came from in this blog, but i like it) by the overall concept of the I AMs. Its challenging to re-think who I am not in terms of the "I" but in terms of the "Him" and how I relate to Him. Its kindof funny that I was inspired to catch up on this blog today because I have been having somewhat of an identity crisis. Lately I have realized how caught up in a role I have been... for the last three years. I was an RA at Poly and long story short... now I am not. For nine months out of each of the last three years I lived and breathed Housing and my residents. Loved every second of it and learned/grew so much. But now... today is move-in day for freshman and (silly as it may sound) its really REALLY weird knowing I'm not going to be a part of that. I'm not even going to be taking the same classes with the same people anymore... talk about pace change from Quantum Mechanics last year to "Education in a Pluralistic Society" now. I am living off campus instead of on, which means my friends aren't living all around me within walking distance.

Altogether my point is that any sort of physical "I AM" related to my life in SLO that I had last year... is plain gone :) Didn't really realize thats why I've been feeling so blah the last few days until I printed out the I AM sheet again and began reading through them this morning (aka 11am). Suddenly I began feeling better, feeling more purposeful, feeling like I had an identity again... but not a superficial identity that I had become so comfortable and safe with over the last three years... but a deep, dynamic, life changing, eternal identity because rather than being grounded in a role it is grounded in the creator of the universe who simply is THE ORIGINAL AND ONLY I AM. With that in mind, I devoured the I AMs, drinking in their promises and the way they empower me to identify not of myself.

This weeks especially about grace is especially meaningful to me. I lived much of my life not really understanding grace because I saw the brokenness around me in the world and decided that I wasn't that broken... so what about grace? Then my life shattered and now it can be a daily struggle to rest in that grace and not fear, hide, or run away from my brokenness. His grace is enough. I need not anything else.

Whew. I needed to get that out. Sorry for the long post if you read all the way through. I got kinda teared up and the thoughts just kept pouring out. Love you guys. Thanks for creating this place to share :)

grace is a funny thing.

So...a friend of mine last night posted a note on Facebook titled "grace is a funny thing." it's perfect for the "I am" statement we just started. With her permission, I am sharing her  thoughts...because it's just so good. Here it is:

When you look up grace, there are a few definitions. 

Many say grace is a flowing movement that one possesses. Others say its unusual favor. 

Grace.

It’s a beautiful word in general. It flows beautifully. And it’s a beautiful thing. We can look in the bible and grace is clearly defined as undeserved favor with God.

We, horrible sinners, killers, liars, have favor with God...and we didn’t have to do anything besides choose. Can we just take a second to think about that? So what I’m saying is that all I have to do is make the choice to accept it, and its mine? I have favor with God, for free? Incredible. I feel like grace is a word that’s thrown around too often, much like love and I’m sorry. We use the word so often that is loses its really power. Grace is such an incredible, beautiful thing. Yet we just take it and say 'thanks God, catch ya on the flip side.' what is wrong with us?! This goes for me too. What if someone walked up to you and gave you $1,000, no strings attached, just out of love. Would we just grab the money and walk away, forgetting all about that person? If your answer was yes, well, I know some people you can talk to. So no, we wouldn’t just run away skipping and go on with our lives. I would run and tell the whole world that someone loved me so much that they gave me such an amazing free gift. See where I’m going with this yet? Guys, we have done nothing to deserve grace. Let me repeat that, NOTHING. Yet it’s ours for the taking because we are made clean and wonderful in the eyes of our creator. Whatttttttt. He gave us the ultimate gift, how can we not shout it at the top of a freaking mountain what He did?

“Your grace has found me just as I am, empty handed but alive in Your hands.”

His grace is a living action of a living God. His grace finds us, even when we are empty, even when we have nothing to offer. Sometimes we drag ourselves to His feet with nothing but our tears and broken hearts and plead for Him to help us and give us any amount of strength to just fight through another day here. And while we are so broken and we feel so dead, His grace makes us alive in His hands. No strings attached, He picks us up and loves us, end of story. There's no ifs, ands, or buts. He loves us when we are empty, He loves us when we sing Him praise, He loves us when the world crushes us, He loves us, always. He loves us because His grace finds us in any state, and makes us new. How convicting.

Grace.

There’s so much power in 5 simple letters that form the most beautiful gift ever given.

Ephesians 2:8 

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.

Thats just whats been on my heart lately. "

Good stuff right there. I'm trying to get this girl on staff next year too! :)

It Is Finished!!

Here's some quick thoughts on "I am redeemed from the hand of the enemy." ...short and sweet.


Redeemed. to free from what distresses or harms. to free from captivity by payment of ransom. to help overcome something detrimental. to release from blame or debt. to free from the consequences of sin. (via Merriam-Webster Dictionary)

It Is Finished. Every time I thought about this "I Am," the first thing that came to my head was, "it is finished." I have been redeemed. How? The work at Calvary. When Jesus died, he redeemed me from the enemy. The enemy has no power over me. Jesus won that victory on the cross. The hand of the enemy has no grip on me, so where does that mean I am? ...in the arms of my Daddy. Because I am redeemed, I can rest in that embrace. And...if the enemy has no power over me, why do I fear? I have no reason to fear because I am loved by the father, and His perfect love casts out all fear! I am loved, and I am redeemed.

Love you all.

We won't be quiet

Sooooo...

redeemed.

Today for whatever reason it num-chucked me today.

I read Jordan's blog post about Beautiful Things and it resonated with me all day.

Then it totally slapped me during the silliest moment of the day. I was helping my little brother with his Algebra homework right after my dad had gotten on him for failing a test. My brother sat there frustrated as he totally didn't understand the problem. He told me that he was a failure. I was baffled and completely heartbroken. My brother thought he was a failure because he couldn't do a math problem. Then BOOM. I thought of how God tells us constantly that we aren't failures. No matter how small or big it is we aren't failures. Because we are REDEEMED. No matter how many times we don't take the opportunities He gives us. No matter how many times we mess up. No matter how many times we feel like failures. God redeems us and tells us that we rock. No matter how many times the devil gets in our head and tells us that we stink God comes in and saves the day. Sick much?

"Let the redeemed of the LORD tell their story—
those he redeemed from the hand of the foe... cried out to the LORD in their trouble, and HE delivered them from their distress."

(Psalm 107:2-6)

AHHHHHHHH HE DELIVERS US. He tells the devil to gget out and then tells us that we are redeemed from whatever we were doing and tells us that we can be and are better. dskafjaskdfjasdlkfalskdjf AHHH GOD IS SO GOOD.

So moral of the story. My brother is redeemed. I am redeemed. YoU are redeemed. God redeems you.

So yeah.

Love you guys.

You all are amazing!

Beautiful Things

Something that really hit me this week (well... yesterday to be exact) was the idea of being CONTINUALLY redeemed. I read through the passage to go along with the redeemed theme, and I thought it was cool, but it wasn't until yesterday at church that I finally got it. Like, really got it. The band played "Beautiful Things," which is an amazing song about how God makes beautiful beings out of us, even though we sin and have so much baggage, he still manages to make us beautiful.

"You make me new, You are making me new." These are the lyrics that finally defined redemption for me. It is being saved, and being in a constant process of being made new every single day. This was so cool for me, because lately I feel like I've been doing so many things wrong... by not completely trusting Jesus, not sharing with my friends about Him as much as I should, judging others... the list goes on and on. But through that song God totally spoke to me and told me that becoming more like him is a process. A process that doesn't happen overnight, but instead one that will be a continuous journey throughout my life. He is making me new right now, and will continue to do so every day of my life. I am so thankful for a God who loves me despite my many imperfections, and who redeems me every single day. I don't deserve or understand this amount of love, but I don't think I ever will, so I just accept it and live in Jesus' love.

A child of God

I know I'm a week behind, but Week 1's I Am has lingered for week 2...

On Monday, I read Romans in my quiet time. Romans 1:21 says, "For even though they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks, but became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened."

This verse really convicted me. For though I know God, I have not been honoring him as God in all areas of my life. I have not been letting him be God, I have not been faithful to his daily calling on my life, etc. I have not been giving thanks, and my thinking about myself, God, and the world, has been futile. I wasn't sure on Monday how that related to being a child of God (carrying forward the I Am from the week before), but I could sense that there was some type of call to be more of a child of God that I was choosing to be. Almost as though living as a child of God stands in opposition to living as Romans 1:21 describes.

This week, I've continued to be mindful of this child of God imagery. I don't get like a distinct picture of what that looks like, but there is a distinct feel or sense that I have when I know the Holy Spirit is bringing that truth to mind. Yeah, I'm redeemed from the hand of the enemy, but I haven't been able to shake that I am a child of God. I am called to live as a child: I am called to live out of trust in my father, to let him be God, and to give thanks in all things.

My times with the Lord have been pretty dry in the last 1-2 weeks, and I couldn't/can't quite put my finger on why. I know some of it is the ebb and flow of authentic relationship, but it has seemed to go a step beyond that. But this morning, the image of being a child (which I can't actually describe, other than to say there's a distinct sense that goes along with it) resurfaced. It was like my soul resonated with the truth of being a child of God, and I almost pictured myself standing as a four year old in front of my heavenly Father. My hands are behind my back, and I have my four year old serious face on trying to tell my Father that I'm not keeping anything from him. It's nothing big... it's just one extra crayon when he's asked me to hand them all over... but he's asking for it nonetheless and he knows as well as I do that I'm holding back.

There is no completion or happy ending to this image, except to say that I walked away this morning with a clearer understanding of this I Am statement and what it looks like to actually live out of the truth of it.

Emily you are a child of God... and you know exactly what being a child of God requires of you. So hand to your Father what he has gently asked for, and patiently waits for. Because neither of you are going anywhere until you do.

Oh the futile, defiant thinking of a four year old!