Clean Counters

This week, I've been meditating on what exactly it means to be sanctified by Christ. What stuck out to me is an image from the lyrics of Jesus Paid It All: SIN HAD LEFT A CRIMSON STAIN, HE WASHED ME WHITE AS SNOW.

I feel like I've sung this a thousand times before this summer and just accepted it, like it was no big deal. But as I thought about this image, it made me think back to the service we did this summer and the love that we are called to live out here at home. For my Barneys, do you remember how often we had to clean? After every meal, every night, and as needed. We cleaned those boats so they could be a welcoming and inviting place for all. We worked hard, long hours not just so campers could hang out but so the Spirit could dwell. But, time and time again, those boats got wrecked, even and especially when we didn't expect it- usually right after we finished cleaning them. Those counters that we cleaned spotless, those floors we swept and mopped, found a way to dirty themselves up again seconds after we looked away.
When a camper stepped forward and apologized, I would say, "hey man, don't worry about it! I'll take care of it" but on the inside frustration began to build as more things like that happened.

This week, I've been checking myself a lot in those moments and fixing my eyes on Christ's example. I think of His relationship with Peter and how Peter denied Him three times. When Christ looked across that courtyard and locked eyes with Peter as the rooster crowed, shame and guilt formed in Peter's heart... but I don't think Jesus looked at him in condemnation. I think when they locked eyes, Jesus thought," Hey man, don't worry about. I'll take care of it." And as he thought that, he followed up by dying on the cross even while Peter was still dwelling in his self-inflected condemnation.
Like Peter, like those houseboats, we find a way to dirty ourselves up, even and almost especially right after we've already been sanctified. If it was up to us, we would clean the messes but roll our eyes as we did because the "as needed" cleaning can be so tedious.
I can't even imagine how much more of a mess I am for Christ to clean, and yet, I know when I am washed as white as snow, He does it willingly and He does it lovingly. Despite how often I make a mess of myself [which, to be honest, is like a thousand times a day], He doesn't get frustrated or angry with me. He doesn't roll His eyes like I would. He just says, "Hey man, don't worry about. I've taken care of it."

Philippians 2:6 says "Your attitude should be that of Christ Jesus".

"Where you feel you have stooped low to serve others, remember that Christ has stooped lower."
For as long as I've been home, the feeling of being a new creature in an old, familiar place hasn't left and I really hope it won't because although His Kingdom is not from this world(meaning we aren't of this world), it is FOR this world and so we should be too. Allow yourself to be broken and vulnerable, so you maybe wiped clean and sanctified as needed. In doing this you make yourself an inviting and welcoming person for all. In doing this we attract people to Christ and allow the Spirit dwell in us.

I love you and miss you all! You are prayed for and thought of daily. If you have any prayer requests, send 'em over :) I hope all is well

The least among the lowly

I don't know what the I am is this week... but I wanted to share with you what the Lord taught me about who I am yesterday:

Brennan Manning writes, "The acceptance of oneself is the essence of the whole moral problem and the epitome of a whole outlook on life.That I feed the hungry, that I forgive an insult, that I love my enemy in the name of Christ - all these are undoubtedly great virtues. What I do unto the least of my brethren, that I do unto Christ. But what if I should discover that the least amongst them all, the poorest of all the beggars, the most impudent of all the offenders, the very enemy himself - that these are within me, and that I myself stand in need of the alms of my own kindness - that I am the enemy who must be loved - what then?"

He goes on to say, "As a rule, the Christian's attitude is then reversed; there is no longer any question of love or long suffering; we say to the brother within us, "Raca" ["Worthless!"] and condemn and rage against ourselves. We hide it from the world; we refuse to admit ever having met this least among the lowly in ourselves."

I've read that probably 20-25 times, and I have never heard it like I did yesterday. I was so convicted by the reality of the self-hatred I fall into so easily. I would never look at another person and think, "Worthless!" and instantly hate them. And yet that is my attitude toward myself?! So backward, so wrong, so sinful.

Here was my realization: I am not the junk that I find in myself when I spend long enough in introspection. I am also not a person full of hatred towards others, nor should I be toward myself. I am, however, someone with a need for identity, truth, love, and full acceptance without a hint of rejection.

Brennan says that "Jesus discloses God's true feelings toward us. As we turn the pages of the Gospels, we discover that the people Jesus encounters there are you and me. The understanding and compassion he offers them, he also offers you and me."

And he concludes by saying that [my paraphrase] the longer I spend time in the presence of Jesus, the more accustomed I grow to his face, the less I will look elsewhere for identity and meaning because I will have discovered for myself that He is enough. And in that presence, I will delight in the discovery of what it means to live out of who I am really... who I am in Christ."

I live out of the truth of who I am really when I live in the presence of the I AM who created me, saved me, sustains me, and defines me. I am still learning who the person I am actually looks like... but I am at least learning how to have compassion for the self that I wish I wasn't, and I am trusting that's at least a step in the right direction!

Justified

Before you read anything else, I just want to say how encouraging it is to read all of these posts. I haven't posted in the last few weeks but as I catch up and read through these beautiful posts of pure truth in action, I know God is using and working through this blog to bless us and bring glory to Himself! Thank you to all who have been pouring your heart out. It's been such a joy to read! :)


I feel like my whole life, I've strived so hard to justify my actions and sins. Like Adam, I'd totally try to blame someone else for my own wrong choice. I wanted to save face! To look innocent and clean before others. I had a "deficit in identity".
My validation came from people and I was only pleased with myself when others were pleased with me.
PROBLEM!
Throughout Scripture, it says that no can stand blameless before God. How could we? He knows me better than I know myself. He's seen the unspoken thoughts and the selfish motives. He's even seen me when I thought I was alone! He's seen me like no one else.

HOLY JUSTIFICATION
COLOSSIANS 1:21-22
And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, ²²he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him

Christ has interceded on my behalf. Where I once strived to appear blameless, Jesus made me truly immaculate. When I wanted to look innocent and clean before others, Jesus freely washed me with his own blood so I could be seen as holy and blameless before the God of the Universe. All in grace, He died so that I wouldn't have to stand alone and be condemned. Before the God who has seen it all, Jesus holds me and says "Spare him and take me. I will make him My own and he will be innocent. I've seen his silent thoughts and motives. I was even there when he thought he was alone. He isn't worthy of my love but I will lavish it on him." He sees me like no one else does.
If grace begets grace and God could calls us all His beloved immaculate, innocent children by the blood of Christ, then its our turn to see ourselves and each other in that identity, even and especially, in the worst of it as Jesus did.

For the first time.

A poem was read to me today one of the lines was, "Its like being called pretty or beautiful...no its like truly realizing what those words mean for the first time." I don't know the author of the poem otherwise I would totally give im credit but at that moment I had a num-chuck straight to my face.
I don't know why god chose that moment but he did.
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-"
Grace saved us.
Because we have faith.
The faith isn't in ourselves.
It is in God.
Grace is a gift.
"Its like truly realizing what those words mean for the first time."
I don't if this made sense to you but it had rocked my world today.
Grace is a gift from the almighty creator. Its no longer just grace but its grace granted to us by the one King of Kings and creator of this awesome universe.

So I don't know if this is going to make a ton of sense, but today when I was reading in Ephesians, the idea of the gift of grace through faith reminded me of my high school pastor. Twice I have seen him give somebody a gift and tell them that they must have faith that the gift is actually there (example: faith that a gift card is actually loaded with money). One time the gift was there and the other time (giving somebody an iPod) it wasn't. The only difference is that God's grace is NEVER NOT there. We receive grace by faith in God, and as long as you believe in God you will receive it. Sure it's cool to go to church and MAYBE receive a gift from your pastor, I mean there's a kind of excitement in that, but how much cooler and exciting is it to DEFINITELY receive the most amazing gift of grace from God? I know I don't deserve it but because of my faith, I have grace from God, and what gift is better than that?

Silly Elizabeth, grace is for free!

This is my first post for the I Am statements. Sorry for the novel, I'm making up for lost time.

I think I just need to start by saying that God is so good. This whole idea of grace has really been on my heart for the past few weeks. You see, I was really confused a few days ago when the idea originally popped into my head. It has been ages since I have actively thought, "Hmm, maybe I am trying to earn grace." When I evaluate my life and still can't see it, somehow God still makes it known to me. Earning grace doesn't necessarily mean I am trying to be a better person or thinking straight up, "I need to do this better so that God will love me more." It comes from a place much deeper than that. It comes from a heart that is not willing to sacrifice. People who try to earn grace do not understand surrender. They (I) might see God exactly for who He is and still try to hold onto things and fix them. I think this especially happens in the midst of doing ministry. We get so caught up in serving the Creator that we forget our purpose for serving in the first place.

Today in class I had a random thought. We always talk about this concept of how salvation requires nothing of us. All we have to do is profess faith and boom, saved. But as I was sitting there, not paying attention to a single thing my teacher was saying, my head started spinning as I thought of how this could possibly be. What happened to James telling us that faith without works is dead? Or Jesus telling us that in order to follow Him we must pick up our cross daily? Those don't seem like free rides to me. Those seem like quite the opposite. As I was sitting there thinking all of these things, my mind suddenly calmed. Frustration at the seeming contradiction eased and I was left in a peace I have only known the Father to bring. It was then that I remembered my life is not my own. In order to recognize that grace is free, we must first realize that our lives are not ours to begin with. So when we find out that following God will cost us our lives, we can also rest in the fact that all we are really doing is relinquishing our position on a stolen throne. The art of surrender reminds us that God has everything under control. His grace is sufficient for all of us. Embrace weakness and live in submission.

(Fun fact, the title of this post was almost my status on facebook over the weekend. I couldn't figure out why God kept leading me to the idea of grace, so I didn't post it. When the idea came up again today, I still didn't understand. Today was my first time participating in even looking at the statements.)

SAVED

As I read through Ephesians 2:8 yesterday morning I wasn't really sure what part I would take with me or how God was going to use it. Since being at Biola I have had my idea of what a Christian should look like completely shattered. I keep comparing every person I meet with this idea of what I already think they should be. This has been exceedingly difficult because one of my roomates swears like a sailor and is constantly yelling profanities and on a desperate search for Biola's underground party scene. So yeah, its hard.

Aside from that random tangent, the reason this stuck out to me was the aspect of being SAVED. We are saved and in His arms simply by believing and its not by our works, but its by His GRACE. So if that means that these people I meet and are surprised to find they are Christian, its ok, because they have been saved by the same grace I have through their faith and that alone. They don't have to fit this idea or this role that I have unfairly placed on their head, they just have to believe and they fit the role Christ has prepared for them.

So anyways, I don't know if that made sense to anyone but me. But I love you all! Please if you need prayer about anything , shoot me a phone call or a text

-Haley