My Identity In Roles vs. The Eternal "I AM"

I never know quite where to start when typing a blog. I am an avid journaler, but in that case I just start and since its pen there is no taking it back or re-thinking wording... the thoughts just flow out onto the paper. On the computer however, I am given the chance to re-think and re-word and it ultimately ends up being so hacked up I never am happy with the product. So, fair warning. Apart from spelling mistakes I am going to just bang these thoughts in my head out to share. Not sure how on the "I AM" blog topic they will be, but I need to get them out somewhere and I just caught up reading and meditating on the last four weeks I AMs.

I think as a whole I am being severely nun-chucked in the face (not sure where that phrase came from in this blog, but i like it) by the overall concept of the I AMs. Its challenging to re-think who I am not in terms of the "I" but in terms of the "Him" and how I relate to Him. Its kindof funny that I was inspired to catch up on this blog today because I have been having somewhat of an identity crisis. Lately I have realized how caught up in a role I have been... for the last three years. I was an RA at Poly and long story short... now I am not. For nine months out of each of the last three years I lived and breathed Housing and my residents. Loved every second of it and learned/grew so much. But now... today is move-in day for freshman and (silly as it may sound) its really REALLY weird knowing I'm not going to be a part of that. I'm not even going to be taking the same classes with the same people anymore... talk about pace change from Quantum Mechanics last year to "Education in a Pluralistic Society" now. I am living off campus instead of on, which means my friends aren't living all around me within walking distance.

Altogether my point is that any sort of physical "I AM" related to my life in SLO that I had last year... is plain gone :) Didn't really realize thats why I've been feeling so blah the last few days until I printed out the I AM sheet again and began reading through them this morning (aka 11am). Suddenly I began feeling better, feeling more purposeful, feeling like I had an identity again... but not a superficial identity that I had become so comfortable and safe with over the last three years... but a deep, dynamic, life changing, eternal identity because rather than being grounded in a role it is grounded in the creator of the universe who simply is THE ORIGINAL AND ONLY I AM. With that in mind, I devoured the I AMs, drinking in their promises and the way they empower me to identify not of myself.

This weeks especially about grace is especially meaningful to me. I lived much of my life not really understanding grace because I saw the brokenness around me in the world and decided that I wasn't that broken... so what about grace? Then my life shattered and now it can be a daily struggle to rest in that grace and not fear, hide, or run away from my brokenness. His grace is enough. I need not anything else.

Whew. I needed to get that out. Sorry for the long post if you read all the way through. I got kinda teared up and the thoughts just kept pouring out. Love you guys. Thanks for creating this place to share :)